


Blue Dawn and Red Teeth

by tuesday



Category: Allstate Insurance "Mayhem" Commercials
Genre: Character Death, Drinking, Gen, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 23:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19895911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuesday/pseuds/tuesday
Summary: "I'm a drunk who doesn't care about anything anymore."  Mayhem hefted a bottle in a little salute and took a long swig from it.  "We have this whole, nice, safe complex here, and I'm barely fit for cleaning duty and making sure the tomatoes get watered."  Mayhem wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand."Spoiler alert: I forgot again this week.  Sure hope you weren't looking forward to trying to recreate Nana's legendary spaghetti sauce."





	Blue Dawn and Red Teeth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [debirlfan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/debirlfan/gifts).



> I hope you enjoy this extra gift!

"I'm a drunk who doesn't care about anything anymore." Mayhem hefted a bottle in a little salute and took a long swig from it. "We have this whole, nice, safe complex here, and I'm barely fit for cleaning duty and making sure the tomatoes get watered." Mayhem wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. 

"Spoiler alert: I forgot again this week. Sure hope you weren't looking forward to trying to recreate Nana's legendary spaghetti sauce." He looked out the window. "And yeah, I'm barely fit for cleaning duty, but your buddy Ted you left in charge of security while you were out on a scavenging mission had to go take a piss and deputized me to take over as lookout." 

Mayhem tapped his fingers against the pane of glass. "He was supposed to be back over an hour ago, but I spilled soap everywhere by the stairs and, long story short, Ted's not with us anymore." Behind Mayhem, there was a dull thudding against the door to the room he was closed up in. "Or maybe the problem is that he still is. Did you know Ted was a carrier? Because we sure know now." Mayhem popped the lock on the window and lifted it.

"You should be getting back any minute to find out that your head of security has become the compound's biggest threat, and while you had a neat little airlock situation set up for just this eventuality, I propped open all the doors while I was mopping." Mayhem got a foot up on the sill. "On the plus side, the floors have never been so clean, plus or minus a few soapy spots."

Bottle in hand, Mayhem went out through the window. He was on the second floor. There was a little ledge he edged along. He got to a window only for a fist to crash through it and swipe at him.

"Oh, hey, part of your crew got back early and found Ted." Mayhem took another sip. The figure attached to the hand came out the window, only to fall over the side of the building. He took a glance inside. "Floors aren't looking so clean anymore." He sighed and edged past the broken window. "There's a fair amount of damage to the inside of the building from the welcome home party Ted's throwing. It's going to require a lot of clean-up and rebuilding, which in turn is going to require a lot of trade in under-ripe, under-watered tomatoes."

Mayhem finished out the bottle and dropped it to the waiting horde below. "It may be the zombie apocalypse, but civilization is on the rise. There's insurance that'll cover the structural damages, even if it won't bring your friends back. So get Allstate and protect yourself from mayhem like me."

Mayhem reached a drain pipe, scrambled down it, and hopped into a truck to escape the zombies who'd noticed him. "As for me? I heard there's a tenement across town that's always looking for more people that has a rooftop garden and a still in the basement."


End file.
